Thursday, 21 July 2011

We And Relationships

image, picture, patience, relationships
I've noticed in my life that we all want to be loved, understood and cared about. But mostly what we get, instead, is a feeling of being misunderstood, rejected and betrayed.
In society we're taught it's not OK to feel pain or hurt. Men, especially, feel they're not strong if they feel pain or hurt. It's crucial that we allow ourselves to feel those vulnerable feelings, because we can't heal them unless we're willing to feel them.
If we observe, we will noticed many forms of betrayal, that we might face in our lives. Like breaking the commitment of any type, betrayal in friendship, infidelity.
Another kind of betrayal is withholding or withdrawing, so we don't really share our feelings and what's going on inside of us. Our feelings, our hopes, our fears, our longings, our hurts, and even little misunderstandings & complains, we keep them secret from the other person. That creates distance in any relationship.

After betrayal people become close down and bitter towards life. We need to learn how to grieve the hurt of betrayal, so we don't carry forward those hurts. And compose our self so we can open our hearts again to another possibility, another relationship. For a healthy relationship we have to create a climate of trust, love, care & honor, so we minimize the prospect of betrayal.


  1. Asma..You are speaking to is actually a hard part for me to forgive..I am in annulment because my kids and I are physically abused by my ex..we were married for 10 years but I'd rather have a broken family rather than my kids and I be broken totally emotionally and as a whole is much hurt..but God is good..on my healing process He gave someone who helped me be happy, Trust and believe in second I am happy..I have been hurt but God is good He never left me alone :)

    so inspiring Asma :)

  2. @Sie: It's a big thing for me that I have honor to talk with you... :)
    Hmmm indeed in life we have to face many down falls, yes God never leave us alone, He always with us, help & support us directly or indirectly through His nice persons.
    May God give you happiness & satisfaction for the rest of your life.... :)

    Stay Blessed

  3. thats something very true and as u know that i have also sufferd these things in my life..!!! somehow it is not possible for somepeople to give a second chance..!! these lines still have many meanings for me.. and i am still learning from it that what was my mistakes were before and what i am doing now..!!! thanks for writting this blg ..! it was very nice.. :)

  4. @Abdullah Jamil: In life we counter many obstacles, the main purpose of these is how mature attitude we adopt towards them & learn new lessons for a better & happier life.
    Thanks for dropping by... :)
    Stay Blessed

  5. I guess, feeling regret at the betrayal and not having new 'legal' relationship is the true grief specifically speaking in terms of girls !!!

  6. Sometimes I withhold and don't open up but I don't believe I am betraying anyone. It depends on the context and what one is withholding.....

    But overall I agree with you. :))

  7. @A: But what I think that is "communication is necessary for healthy relationship.
    Anyways your attitude is also valuable... :)

  8. Relationships are too complex, much to be taken care of. *Sighs*
    Well written =)

  9. @Ph: Yes as much complexed as we humans are... :)

  10. well said.

    The thing is if you are constantly betrayed it is not easy to forget, you may forgive but forgetting is hard.

  11. Asma, your post is an impressive addition into the blogging world.

    Humans are "socialized beings," and they have feelings as an integral part of life.
    But, excess of everything is the main factor leading to our displeasure.
    It's better to avoid expecting from others.
    However, we should first deserve than desire.
    On the contrary, when we desire without deserving, we are bound to face disappointment.

  12. Keeping to yourself things that you don't like about others just because you don't want to hurt them, its another face of it. But there is a certain time and way of saying things too. Till then, it's better to keep quiet.

    Nice read.

    Blasphemous Aesthete

  13. @Foz: Forgetting is hard but it's also possible, with the passage of time we forget many things or at least worst experiences lost their pain & even their value.

  14. @Tariq Mian: Thanks for such a kind words... :)

    Yes being balanced at every point of life is essential.

    Rightly said, but expectations always hurts, either you deserve to expect or not deserve, because the other person might be not eligible to meet our expectations. & in the end we get bad experiences. :/

  15. @Blasphemous Aesthete: Right, but here is one saying that, "you may hurt me with true, but don't make me happy with lie"... :)

    Thanks for appreciation & dropping by...

    Stay Blessed

  16. it depends on the situation

  17. @SM: What??? :/
    Sorry didn't get you... :)

  18. (Insan tou khasaarey mai hai): The cruelly motivated sinners cross Allah's limits while abusing and encroaching upon the rights of the helpless victims.
    To err is human, but - Allah is forgiving and merciful.
    Indeed, Allah SWT forgives our committed sins, provided- we establish connection with “HIM” through Salaats followed by good deed without hypocrisy.
    Allah SWT listens to our sincere cries and duas.
    Thus, we must keep repenting to clean our mistakes, and we must stay in a 'BEGGING MODE' throughout our lifetime for HIS forgiveness. Indeed, God Almighty loves to forgive and bless us –SUBHANALLAH.

    Asma jee---thank you very much for reminding us of the final message from God Almighty - sent to us miraculosly through our beloved prophet Muhammad(peace be upon him).

  19. Salaam sis,

    We have some articles about relationships in Islam.

    Find us here-
    Like us in Facebook Page and help us spread the beauty of Islam.

    Jazaka Allahu Khairan for your all efforts in spread the truth.

    Feel Islam

  20. @Feel Islam: Waleikum Assalam...
    Insha Allah I will check these links... :)

    Thanks for visiting my site & keep visiting...
    Stay Blessed