Saturday, 6 August 2011

A Muslim Woman Can Propose To A Muslim Man

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A Muslim woman is allowed to approach a man with a marriage proposal, if she comes to know of a man who has good character, Deen and would be a good husband, she can approach him in an honorable way with a marriage proposal. This may be seen as improper or brazen in some cultures. But that is a cultural attitude, not an Islamic one.
We live in a society where we are of the mindset that it's the man who should always make the proposal for marriage. Our society set rule that it's the man who has to propose and make women feel guilty or ashamed as if they would be doing something so wrong and unacceptable by asking for a man's hand in marriage. So many women wait and wait on the man to propose, and sometimes months and even years go by, and if a man doesn't propose, the woman herself become a question mark.

In some cases when a daughter dare to suggest a suitable man to her parents which considered a crime, and also considered rude and offensive and automatically deemed to mean that she is involved in an illicit relationship with him. All these culturally-driven notions and customs are against to the teachings of Islam.

There is nothing in Quran or Sunnah that would suggest that it is prohibited for a woman to initiate a marriage proposal.
According to Islam , there is no problem for a Muslim woman to propose to a Muslim man. Islam gives a Muslim woman the right and honour to make such a proposal without feeling guilty or ashamed. 

Our best role model is the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) and in this veiw we can find a most beautiful example.
When a proposal sent from Ummul-Mumineen Hazrat Khadija-tul-Kubra (Razi Allah Anha) to  Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him), through her friend "Nafisah".
Nafisah delivered the proposal to our Holy Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him). And He accepted this proposal.
Obviously Allah would never have permitted him to accept a proposal from a woman if doing so was in any way shameful or improper.

There is absolutely no prohibition in Islam for a woman to propose marriage to a man. It is perfectly fine for you to approach the man in a most honorable way and let him know your intentions by hinting or being flat out about it, depending upon the noble custom in your society. It should be done through the proper and reasonable channels and without violating any rules of Shari’ah.

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A woman could do this would be to ask her parents to approach his parents; or to send a message through someone who knows him (for example his sister, aunt, cousin, etc) that she is interested, in order to learn if he also might be interested. She can also approach him directly and raise the subject, as long as she follows Islamic rules of etiquette (meeting in public, having a chaperone, no flirtatious or sexual speech, lowering the gaze, etc).
It doesn't matter who propose, as long as its done in a good moral way within Islamic morality.

And it is also perfectly acceptable for a woman’s family to propose marriage. Unfortunately, however, there remains a stigma within certain Muslim cultures against a woman’s family proposing or initiating marriage talks. 

Sayyiduna Umar ibn al-Khattab (Allah be pleased with him) offered his daughter, Hafsa (Allah Be Pleased With Her), not only to one but two individuals: Sayyiduna Usman (Allah be pleased with him) and Sayiduna Abu Bakr al-Siddiq (Allah be pleased with them), latter-on the Holy Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him)  himself asked for the hand of Hadrat Hafsa  (Allah Be Pleased With Her) from Hadrat Umar ibn al-Khattab (Allah Be Pleased With Him) .  
Similarly, when the Prophet of Allah, Sayiduna Shu’ayb (Peace Be Upon Him) observed the beautiful character of Sayiduna Musa [Moses](Peace Be Upon Him) and his praiseworthy attributes such as trustworthiness, he proposed marriage to him for one of his daughters.
So it is also proved, there is nothing wrong with a woman’s guardian (wali) proposing marriage on her behalf to a righteous and suitable man.

image, picture, relationshipsMuslim couples
We need to remind ourselves that it was Khadija-tul-Kubra (Razi Allah Anha) [the Prophet’s first wife] who asked for the Prophet’s hand in marriage; and it was then and still is now an honorable thing to do. So sisters, it is within your right to make the first move. If there is a good brother out there that you like as a husband, then don't be ashamed or afraid to ask for the brother's hand in marriage. If you are too shy or afraid to ask, then let a family member, your parents or even a good friend ask on your behalf. Then  Allah will put baraka in it.
And remember, our religion Islam is the religion of easiness & peace, do not create confused methods and do not set complex-ed & baseless rules in your life and as well in society, try to investigate and think about the problem and it's solution according to Islam and find and follow the straight path in the light of Islamic teachings, ancestors can not save us but the light of Islam brighten our life here in this world and also life hereafter.
And Allah knows the best.


  1. thumbs up for a very good topic chosen by you. BTW i totally loved the muslim bride and groom...

  2. Asma! “NICE TRY” for women’s rights *****[CONGRATULATIONS]*****
    Of course! it's perfectly legitimate for a Muslim girl to look for a pious Muslim in order to propose to the "would be life partner." Yet, there is a set of cultural values to be followed for safety reasons only and nothing else.
    Remember!--parent’s pleasure is Allah’s pleasure, indeed.
    Due to their emotional fragility and physical delicacy, the girls who are more vulnerable would surely deserve to be monitored by parents or other loved ones in the family; hence, the family elders' involvement is a definite PLUS.
    But, I agree there isn't any Islamic barrier to proposing. The girl's parents are equally entitled to ask for the hand of their carefully chosen "Would Be Son in law.”
    The Divinely deen-e-Islam is the most modern Religion as the final version from Allah SWT; is perfectly practicable in the 21st century and beyond. Nevertheless, the cultural values need some reasonable alignment with modernity.
    BTW, you missed/overlooked my recent post. Re: Current Affairs With Tariq Mian

  3. @Tariq Mian: Thanks... :)
    True I agreed, one thing I must clear that my above post is for mature women, who take her life's most important step [in the light of Islamic teachings] very carefully along with dignity & cultural values.... :)
    mmm I didn't miss your post, I came your page, but there were very videos of tarawih so I skipped, apologize for ignoring those... :$

  4. Lovely post Asma :)
    Keep sharing more stuff Sister <3

  5. off-course from islamic point of few there is nothing wrong into it....but be it a girl or a boy, they all should also look for the approval of their parents...
    Nice Post....:)

  6. @äмän ♥: Insha Allah I will :)

    @IRFANUDDIN: Yes parents approval is necessary... :)

  7. Very gud writing...there are so many misconceptions and cultural things which are misunderstood as should differentiate betwn culture and islam...half of the population is female so they should be allowed to search for a good spouse... :-)

    P. S. no visit to my blog lately?:-(

  8. @Muhammad Israr: The main reason of misconceptions is we are un aware of Islamic teachings.... :/
    Sorry I missed your recent article, rushing towards,... :)

  9. i just can't tell how beautiful ur write up is, thumbs up, no double thumbs up for this sweet post.

  10. @ateeq mughal: Collecting praise is not my aim, but I want to element misconceptions, negative approach etc regarding this matter... :)

  11. Beautiful and Perfect examples, Asma...I am truly touched...

    People interpret and mould religious preachings according to what suits them...It's important that people who truly understand religion speak out. I applaud you for doing it.

    Keep it up.

  12. in short, "THIS IS SERIOUS". :D

  13. @Girl with a silver pen: Indeed Islam is beautiful so it's examples & teachings are beautiful... :)

    @ateeq mughal: Yes it's really serious matter... :)

  14. another added knowledge for me Asma..I was reading it all through..well..there are no rules on love..everyone has every right to love and be loved in whatever way they think should be..nice post Asma as always :)

  15. yes thats the main reason...we have very little knowledge of islam :(

    and thanks :)

  16. @Sie: :)
    Indeed it is not about love, but it has became a big problem in my society, girls or women remain shy, doesn't ask for their an important right, they wait for chances to happen and this approach has created problem so many women are bachelor/single with elder age along with many mental complications.... :/

    @Muhammad Israr: Indeed the most biggest problem is that we do not interested to get Islamic knowledge and even less interested to act upon Islamic teachings.... :/

  17. I think you have described the concept in the most pleasant of manners and its really good to create awareness within the Muslim female population about their rights defined by the religion they follow. and other people who are interested in knowing about it. Kudos for that. :)

  18. @Eddie: Yes that is what I want to enhance... :)

    Thanks for visiting my blog and sharing your valuable words.... :)

  19. visited. liked it :] followed.
    follow me too :]

  20. @Irfa Khaliq: Welcome here.... :)
    OK done... :)

  21. Asma u have written beautifully :) I wish all the muslims in this world understand this. The truth is OUR CULTURE AND OUR RELIGION ARE TWO OPPOSITE THINGS. n OUR RELIGION has a lot of easiness to offer whereas its OUR CULTURE which makes things tough n tougher. n particularly for women!

    what do u think?

  22. @Ridx: Yeah I agree with you our culture & religion have different opinions in many matters, our culture should follow Islam and adopt Islamic ways.... Cause Islam makes our life easy going... :)

  23. Very informative post!

  24. very informative post... thanks for sharing ur insight.. keep posting..:)

  25. @Rolling Stone: Thanks...
    I will.... :)

  26. To ask for what you desire in a respectable way, I wonder what religion would forbid doing that.

    'if man's grasp were to be limited by the ties of the ground, what are the sky for?'

    Blasphemous Aesthete

  27. @Blasphemous Aesthete: Hmmm no religion forbid you to ask your right, but we human make things so complected.... :)

  28. I completely agree with you, but I think many girls dream that someday comes "her man" to ask her for marriage, it would be nice, but now things have changed and is well to know that there is nothing wrong if you don't ask directly, at least hinted to him to know your intentions. I personally would ask someone to do it for me, if the need arises, I would have much shame.

    PS: thanks for your coment on my blog, I like yours and I'll follow you :D

  29. When I first saw an update on my blog I was like .."Oh my goodness"!!! is it so !!! as it seems to be very awkward to take such a step by any girl or woman!!!
    I wanna give you an appreciation to choose such a important topic & to let many people including my self too .. that's there is absolutely fine to do so!

  30. @Shayana: Thanks for appreciation... :)
    Stay BLessed

  31. I love the picture of the husband/wife!

  32. A muslim woman being free to propose is something I have tried to explain severally but people keep looking at me like i'm crazy or rebellious or something. Really enjoyed reading it.

  33. Yes Women can propose to Men.very nice post,Mostly our women donot know about it

  34. sounds good to read but can u tell how to fight our cultural limitations? well in most cases people around her don't support her for reasons such as family differences, cultures, baradaris etc and even political party affiliations!!!

    1. Being in limits one has to fight for his/her rights or at least give a try to counter with situations or problems around them... :)

  35. Sorry, I could feel like text presentation is bit secularized there are several points that a proposing woman should keep in mind. She should choose a righteous matchmaker, whether a man or a woman, whom she may use as a Middle Man in the affair of seeking a pious spouse. Also, she should only choose a virtuous man who is committed to Islam and is financially with in expectations.She is not allowed to sit in privacy with a non-mahram male under the pretext of proposing,Correct me if i am wrong.

    1. Your points already included/given in above post... :)

  36. what i say!!!!! no words to tell.
    yes girls,,,, u have the right to choose.

    thanks asma to post this article :-) jazakallahu be khair